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A Lack of Interest

I’m going through one of those moods lately that seem to be more and more frequent: I’m just not interested in anything. It’s as if slowly my usual interests begin to bore me or feel useless. I begin questioning why I like certain things and I look for new and refreshing things to excite me.

For a long time, I blamed this sort of behavior on depression, and while I think it can play a part at times, I think over-saturation and unrealistic expectations played more of a role than I realized. For example; for the past ten years, I’ve listening most exclusively to 90’s music. Grunge, pop, and rock have dominated my playlists and because of overplaying of these same songs, I run through moments where I find them less than thrilling. Songs that used to get me pumped up now are just regular background noise and that leads me to seek out new and unique music. Thankfully, by buddy Jimmy does an amazing job at curating a weekly playlist over at Middled-Aged Fat Kids called Championship Vinyl which helps introduce me to new music and open my ears to some things I’d otherwise be closed off too. Also, my buddy Michael turned me onto a new band recently which also provided me with some much needed diversity.

That’s not to say I only listen to 90’s music. I listen to all sorts of genres and have spent considerable time exploring various artists and finding new songs. Still, I tend to stick to my favorites and overtime these become old and less desirable. It eventually leads to a point where I won’t listen to music for weeks and sometimes even a month or so at a time.

I tend to run into this issue with just about all forms of entertainment: books, video games, movies, and TV series. I just sorta hit a brick wall one day and I’m just over whatever it is I usually love. I might try to force my way through a book or pick up a different video game for a bit, but I’m finding more and more that I can just power through. So, I eventually put it down and try to find something completely different, or absolutely nothing to do.

I’m beginning to think my brain is over-stressed at times, and my unhealthy habits of wanting to complete things are working against me. I feel compelled to complete a bad book or I feel like as a fan I should find a way to finish this show or enjoy this video game. Recently, I was journaling, and I came to the conclusion that outside of some moments playing Wii Sports, I cannot think of a single time I’ve truly enjoyed playing video games over the past year or two. I just do it to go through the motions or to give me something to do.

It’s pretty obvious I need to take a break from a lot of hobbies and interests, or possibly move on from them altogether. I’m not a fan of just doing things because that’s what you are expected to do or because that’s what you’ve always done. I feel like you should make a conscious choice to either bring something into your life or not, every single time you decided to do so.

I’ve had some success cycling my hobbies and interests throughout the year, that way they remain fresh and give me something to look forward to. It seems like horror dominates my late winter and early spring, while comic books peak my interest in the summer. In the fall I have a desire to watch old sitcoms. Obviously, some of these interests are leftover habits from childhood (I distinctly remember watching sitcoms in the fall with holiday specials and I bought most of my comics during the summer months) but as I mentioned before, I think I need to sit down and really consider whether these hobbies and interests are serving me as a thirty-eight year old man.

Published inSelf-Reflection

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