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A Little Stressed Tonight

Today, I began moving into our new apartment. The apartment itself has exceeded my expectations and should give us a great place to live for the next year while we regroup and figure out what our next step is (buying a house locally or leaving the state). I worked incredible hard, pretty much non-stop since 7:45 AM on Saturday until around 7:00 PM on Sunday, with exception of maybe five hours of sleep.

On Saturday, I packed as much as I could and began cleaning my old apartment. I did all the hard stuff like tubs, the oven, microwave, etc. I also went out and bought a few items to help with the move such as some small furniture dollies, a new shower curtain, a baby gate, amongst other things.

I’ve been feeling great about this move. Honestly, it’s been on my mind non-stop since last Tuesday and each day I’ve been preparing and calculating every move. So, I ask myself, why do I feel so terrible right now? I figured it might be best to try and write this out to alleviate some of this feeling of dread.

I got way more moved than I expected to, thanks to my Mom helping with her truck for a couple of hours. I did learn very quickly that I need to pay someone to move the furniture up the stairs because it’s just too terrible of a job for me to do with my wife.

Moving has always been hard for me. My dad kicked me out of the house when I was nineteen and I’ve had lots of ups and downs with living places since then. I know I get triggered very easily around the idea of not having a place to live or being uncomfortable in the place I was living, so I have a feeling this is playing into my almost depressive state right this moment.

I’m also exhausted. I’m not in shape and I’ve been doing some serious labor the last couple of days. My body aches pretty much everywhere and my hands are bright red from washing them so much while cleaning and wearing gloves. And well… I packed up the ibuprofen and I have no idea where it is.

I started getting more and more bills for all the bloodwork I had done the past month. I honestly wasn’t expecting it. I also talked to Blue Cross Blue Shield and they are now saying my doctor is not in-network. I had finally settled down in the apartment to begin unpacking some things when I checked my email and saw yet another $500 bill. So far, I’m out almost $1,200 and that’s really frustrating when I have insurance and am in the midst of moving.

Speaking of money, I think tapping into our savings for the move, having a three-week crossover on rents, and just a few bad purchases have gotten under my skin (something stupid I overpaid for that didn’t work and an eBay item that never got delivered). In my triggered state, the loss of money just frustrates me. I really feel good about having some money in the bank.

And, I can’t ignore it, but my wife not being home is obviously playing into this. She has a work conference this week and we weren’t planning on moving until after it, but that’s just how things worked out. Not having those little reassurances from her are sorely missed.

All in all, things are going to be okay. I’m going to hire someone to move the heavy stuff which will take away one burden and I’ve got three more weeks during a slow moving season to find someone. I’m going to rest for the next couple of hours and hopefully get a good night’s sleep. I’ve already taken a bubble bath in the garden tub and I think that gave me just enough space to sit down and write this out. I’ve got all my stuff laid out tomorrow and hopefully our dog Marley will be okay here by himself. I’ve been putting him in his crate off and on while I’m home to try and get him used to be crated in this new place.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

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