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What Happened?

I’ve always been a bit of a dark and brooding loner. Nah, not the cool vampire dark and brooding, just the guy who tends to lean a little too hard into his anxiety and is somewhat comfortable there. It takes effort for me to stay in a happier, hopeful place.

Recently, I restored all of my old blogs from January 2020 to current. The reset I made in my writing in 2020 was the beginning of the new stage in my blogging. I approached my blog with enthusiasm after taking a long break and I worked hard at keeping my content positive and trying to infuse a little fun into my writing. I didn’t want to trail off into rants or depressive reflections which I’ve been known to do.

Life was decent at the time. My job had settled down a bit, I was newly engaged, and for the first time in a long time, life was feeling pretty good. I had motivation to try and channel that positivity into my writing and so, I did.

While reading over these old posts and correcting some formatting issues I realized how much I missed this time. It was right before COVID and I think life just beat me down a few months into it. Working in a hospital was stressful, my wife lost her job, we lost our apartment, our oppertunity to buy a house, and so forth. That contentment I felt while writing slowly eroded and my writing transitioned into a new area that was less ranting/complaining, but definitely not what it was at the turn of 2020.

Reflecting on this is what inspired the recent post Is Happiness a Choice? I remember intentionally making choices to enhance my potential for positivity in those early months. I eliminated all negative entertainment. Anything that would cause stress or my mind to lean into something dark, I avoided. Instead, I consumed joyful and funny entertainment. I focused on only taking in the good and I really think that helped keep me on a good path.

I want to get back to more cheerful living and blogging. In fact, I NEED to get back to more cheerful living and blogging. Life is making me hard and I’m not a fan of that. I don’t want to fall into the same grumpy old man “the world is screwed” mentalitity so many of my friends and family have. It’s so tiresome and all it does is fill your days with more anxiety and anger.

I was rationalizing my own feelings that the world is screwed, but then I started noticing things. Things like the 90’s TV show Millennium dealing with those same sort of feelings. Nicolas Cage in The Rock discussing how much he doesn’t want a child in a world like today. Steven Spielberg in James Cameron’s History of Science Fiction discussing how every generation thinks the clock is five minutes to midnight. Is that to say the world isn’t crummy? Nah, but I think it just shows not all that much has changed. The world has always sucked in it’s own ways and it’s up to us to try and find the brightspots to live in. We didn’t start the fire.

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