A Brief History of My Latest Fresh Start (Volume One of Many)

Would you like to know a secret?

There is a part of me that wonders what it’s like in jail. Like, how would I do in prison? I would like to think I’d do my time quietly, and get released with good behavior, but there’s always a possibility I could end up running a prison gang, or become someone’s bitch. Considering how many times I’ve dropped the soap in my own shower, I have a feeling jail would not be the fun experience for me, but still, I do wonder.

I mention all of this because I feel a bit like I just got released from jail. No, I don’t mean I have a sore bum, I just feel like I’m taking in fresh air and trying to decide how to proceed with my life. Allow me to explain.

Three weeks ago, I quit the internet, or more specifically, I quit browsing on the internet. I still paid bills, checked my emails, and even kept up with the NFL, but I stopped spending hours online and instead spent hours on watching TV and playing video games. Was that better? Yea, I think so. I mean, no one attacked my character and I didn’t hear any of the derogatory terms that get thrown around from the political sides at all. I mean, heck, do those insults just exist online?

The noise level in my life was turned down drastically and in response, my mental health improved. So, did my attention span and my general sense of calm. It was a great experiment, and I was happy with the results, but now I need to figure out how I’m going to live on the outside, and by outside, I mean online. Yea… yea… that’s confusing.

See, while I was thrilled with the peace that I was able to bring to my life, I did miss my friends and follow bloggers. I missed keeping up with their lives and I knew I needed to transition my life back online, but without sacrificing the calm I’ve found. So, how do I find calm in this crazy online world? Well… one word: boundaries.

I believe limiting my time online is crucial to being successful going forward. I need to keep the time I spend online browsing to a minimum and I need to give up the sites I didn’t miss, like reddit.

I’m not sure if my break was inspired by a bit of an existential/mid-life crisis, or if the break helped to prevent it from coming into fruition, but I’ve had a lot of time to think about my life, what’s left of it, and how that makes me feel. It isn’t all warm and fuzzy, but neither is life.

Hopefully, I can find a way to process these emotions though writing, something I’ve done for what seems like forever. And hopefully, I can find a way to enjoy the internet once more, or I’m going to have to leave it behind for good.