Nine Minutes

What can you do in nine minutes? Text a friend? Watch a YouTube video? Fill up your car with gas?

How about having a job interview? Nine minutes seems a bit short, right? Yea… I thought so too, but that is exactly what happened to me last week.

Last Thursday, I had a video job interview that was scheduled for forty-five minutes. As usual, I went about my day as a slightly nervous wreck as I counted down the minutes until it was time to interview. I double checked my Microsoft Teams, shaved my head, and got out my good suit. I was ready to kick some ass and take some names.

I was pretty sure the job was going to come in at lower pay than I’d accept, and I was arguably overqualified for the position, but I was happy to have an interview after applying for a hundred jobs or so. I went in with the same gusto and enthusiasm as I always do, and it has worked well for me in the past. In fact, there have only been two jobs I’ve ever interviewed for and not gotten an offer. It’s usually me who turns down the opportunity, not the other way around.

I should have known something was up when my prospective boss logged on chewing gum. Sure, she was young, had makeup on like an OnlyFans model and looked like she might drink from a coffee cup that said “Tears of the Patriarchy” but it’s a different world, right? Everyone hates social norms these days. We’re tearing down old systems and building new ones! A little chewing gum wasn’t that unprofessional, was it? I mean, it’s not like I was interviewing with one of the most respected hospital systems in the United States.

Oh wait, I WAS interviewing with one of the most respected hospital systems in the United States. Doh!

Her appearance and chewing gum did make me question whether wearing a suit and tie was the right choice, but I still prefer to over dress than under dress.

Over the nine-minute interview I was given the usual generic questions I’ve answered dozens of times:

• How would you handle a conflict with a co-worker?
• What does diversity mean to you?
• What does customer service mean to you?
• Tell me about a time you deal with a difficult customer

Once we finished those questions, I was given a chance to ask my own, and I inquired about growth potential along with some questions about daily duties. I felt pretty confident that the interview was going well and I was happy to have the first part of it over with. Then she looked at me and said, “Well… that’s all I’ve got.”

I chuckled nervously as I looked at the clock and said, “Oh wow, that was fast. I was expecting a forty-five-minute interview.” She just nodded and I knew at that moment I was done. I’m guessing she went through the motions of asking the questions, but she had made up her mind from the start. Maybe it was the gray in my beard or maybe I just rubbed her the wrong way, but in nine quick minutes, I was given a shot and shot down.

I was told I’d hear something in two weeks, but the next morning I woke up to my generic form rejection letter. I appreciated the quick rejection, but I can’t help but wonder what went wrong. Of course, I’ll never know. She could have had someone else in mind for the position, or maybe she just didn’t like the look of my face. I thought about putting her on the spot and emailing her for some “tips on what to improve on” but I’m not that petty and I honestly didn’t expect to accept the job if it did come through. I guess I’m just not used to this sort of rejection, and I was hoping that maybe the offer would come in higher than I had researched and it would be a great move for me.

But that is just how things go. I’ve licked my wounds and ramped up my applying once more. Thankfully, I do have a job currently, so it could be so much worse.

It’s funny how much drama we go through to collect little pieces of paper in exchange for doing things we do not want to do.