A Little Depressed

This morning, I took a look at my emails and realized I left four or five people hanging, not to mention a couple of comments here on the blog. I’m usually pretty quick to respond to emails (and I usually write way too much) but there they were, and I was not motivated to respond.

Then when I went to text my father a Happy Birthday and I noticed I’ve barely spoken to anyone in the past couple of weeks. That was when it sunk in that I was dealing with a little depression. I was isolating myself, which is common for me when I’ve had bouts of this.

I’ve been exploring the inner recesses of my mind lately, so I guess I’m not too surprised. I’ve been stirring up stuff and also dealing with some uncomfortable thoughts in my own life right such as being frustrated with my job, feeling like I do not have a purpose, and loneliness. I also have a pretty bad case of negative self-talk going on these days, which is somewhat unusual for me.

So, what am I doing about these things? Well…

1. I enrolled in an online class at my local community college for Sterile Processing. It’s something I’ve been interested in for a few years, and I thought it might be a short class where I can get certified and that could lead to some jobs in the future.

2. I’ve been applying regularly to jobs. I’ve reached out to a few contacts, so hopefully something new will come up soon.

3. I’ve made peace with needing to leave my current job. I know my job will counter if I put in my notice (they have in the past) and I know I could possibly improve my situation here, but it’s not going to fix the core problems that have been making me irritated since I started this job a few years ago. I’ve told myself I won’t hear any counter arguments this time around.

4. I bought some new clothes. I decided that I needed to replace some old clothes and maybe upgrade my wardrobe a bit. So, I bought a couple of shirts that aren’t exactly my style (t-shirt and jeans), and they look good. There’s a certain level of confidence that comes from dressing nice and I need to get that back.

5. I’ve been journaling by hand. I’m a big fan of Diarium, but there is something about journaling by hand that is liberating. I’m a fan of having to slow down my thoughts to meet the speed of my hand and just the idea of creating something that isn’t on a computer is great.

6. I’ve been playing with my cat. My cat loves me, and it drives my wife nuts. She follows me around, sits on me all the time, and my poor wife just begs for five minutes of kitten cuddles, but never gets it. She is now demanding we get another cat so she can have one. 🙂

7. I’ve considered going to church. I’ve toyed with this idea for years now. I haven’t been a believer in decades, but I miss the ritual and think it would be a great place to find community. The biggest problem with this is politics. The traditional churches are too conservative, and the progressive churches are too liberal. It’d be so nice to find a church that didn’t prop itself up on politics, but I don’t think that type of church exists.

So, yeah, I don’t really have any solutions other than just getting up each day and trying a few new things and waiting this little depressive episode out. I am going to try to get back to blogging this week and I’m going to catch up my emails and maybe I’ll feel just a little bit better.