Age

Yesterday, I was listening to part of The Psychologists are In, the Psych podcast where Corbin Bernsten was on as a guest. He mentioned how Psych was the first show that he transcended due to his age. Before then, he was always the star, the young guy. But this was his first role as a dad, the backup part. Now he’s the grandfather… and it messes with his head a bit. I understand that, because I notice myself doing it with the media I consume.

This morning, I was listening to the Digging for Kryptonite podcast, and they mentioned how Clark goes back to Smallville after his training and runs into Lana outside of a movie theater and Friday Night Lights on the marquee and it made them feel old, since that movie was out when they were in high school. I get that… that sort of thing does that to me too.

It used to be I’d relate to the young star when watching a movie, but now I find myself looking at the guys who are in their 40’s-50’s. Since I’m not a father, I prefer it when kids aren’t necessarily involved, since I can relate better, but it is strange to watch something like, That 70’s Show, and enjoy the hijinks, but relate more to Red than the kids.

The other night I was walking the dog when I heard a bunch of teenagers in the apartment pool around 10 PM. They were being loud and obnoxious, and I joked with my wife that at if this was a slasher film, I’d typically be routing for them, but these days I’d root for the killer in lieu of hearing all that obnoxiousness. Ha!

I guess, it’s part of growing older. You realize you aren’t the young buck anymore and you look to others for inspiration/relation. Sadly, I can see how older folks could become frustrated since there aren’t that many examples out there. Then tend to latch onto Kevin Costner in Yellowstone, because what else is there on TV?

Sadly, these feelings obviously bother me because I was feeling good about leaning into my Superman fandom and being positive this morning, and this comment about Friday Night Lights derailed me. It immediately makes me want to push back into self-reliance and it’s unsettling. I think earlier this year, I was hoping therapy was going to assist me in sorting out some of these issues with getting older, but unfortunately, I think I chose too young of a therapist.

My immediate response was to seek out spirituality. I searched Amazon for books on aging and even Buddhism and Taoism. The panicked, uncomfortable feeling makes me want to find a possible solution to provide peace. However, maybe what I really need is to sit with this uncomfortableness. Allow it to be recognized and not react so dramatically. Stop trying to fix it or distract myself, but instead to just allow it to occur. I’m always talking about simple living, yet I make my life more complex in situations like this.