Would you like to know a secret?
There is a part of me that wonders what it’s like in jail. Like, how would I do in prison? I would like to think I’d do my time quietly, and get released with good behavior, but there’s always a possibility I could end up running a prison gang, or become someone’s bitch. Considering how many times I’ve dropped the soap in my own shower, I have a feeling jail would not be the fun experience for me, but still, I do wonder.
A couple of weeks ago, I finally snapped. The pressure in my real-life was mixing with the outrage online and it finally became too much to bear. As my dilapidated attention span ruined my Sunday, I knew something had to change. Around 11 PM that evening, I decided to quit the internet.
Ok, maybe “quit the internet” is a bit dramatic. Unless you are incredibly well off, I don’t see how anyone is quitting the internet these days, but I suppose I should say, I quit browsing.
My finances have taken a major hit over the past five years. When my wife and I got together in 2019, we paid off $20k in debt and had $10k in the bank in what felt like just a few months. Then she suffered a COVID-related layoff, and we’ve just never recovered. Between both of us changing jobs with a few months of unemployment between positions, as well as rent almost doubling what it was just six years ago, to say we are struggling is a bit of an understatement.
I have pretty good self-control around my cell phone. When I get home from work, I take my Apple Watch off and since most notifications are off and everything else is on silent, I don’t experience many interruptions unless my phone is in my hand. Often, I take my phone upstairs and just leave it for the evening. I don’t have any need for that tether.
Where I abuse my phone is at work.
Robert Carter One Hand Interception
.embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Check out this interception. Wow! Absolutely insane.
Beavis and Butthead - Season 3
I hadn’t heard anything about a new season of Beavis and Butthead coming out, so imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon the trailer on YouTube!
I had a strange weekend, but before we get to that, let’s back up a few weeks to see what led to it.
One day, I was sitting in my living room, and I realized I wasn’t comfy. No, the furniture was fine, it was more of the decor. My living room has a bit of an identity crisis. First off, I have cats, and with cats come toys, cat trees, and rugs that don’t stay in place.
Suddenly Susan
I’m a sucker for 90s sitcoms, especially those that are largely forgotten. The other day, I was itching to spend a $15 Fandango at Home gift card, and I saw there was a promotion for some television series. Long story short, for $25 I picked up The Dukes of Hazzard and Suddenly Susan, a late 90’s NBC series starring Brooke Shields.
I really liked Suddenly Susan, and haven’t seen an episode since the 90s.
Like everyone else on this Godforsaken planet, I suffer from anxiety. It’s something I experience so often, I’m not even sure I could imagine a life where I wasn’t panicking about car trouble, money issues, the safety of my wife, or that weird limp I woke up with. On a good day, I can manage it and keep it in check. On a bad day, I allow it to run rampant, and I find myself angry, scared, and exhausted.
It’s been five years since the COVID-19 pandemic, not that anyone who is reading this has forgotten. In some ways it feels like it’s been less than five years, in other ways it feels like it’s been a lifetime ago, but we’ve reached a spot where it’s starting to show up more and more in the media.
In 2022, the Kevin Williams penned, John Hyams directed slasher film Sick was released, the same year as Greg Garcia (creator of My Name is Earl and Raising Hope) series Sprung.
I once read a quote that went something along the lines of this:
The problem with the cellphone is that it is a lens into our entire world. People are bombarded with issues and concerns that do not affect them but are difficult to look away from. By holding this lens in our hand, we feel responsible and connected to every disaster, injustice, and disservice, and the human mind was not designed for that.
Last year, I experienced one of the biggest betrayals of my life. I don’t tend to have much drama in my life, so it was shocking to discover that someone I’d been friends with for almost twenty years was not who he portrayed himself as. His wife reached out to me following his admission into a mental hospital and over several days we both shared stories that didn’t line up. Some of them were innocent, but there was financial, mental, emotional, and I believe even a little physical abuse.
Flavored Creatine
I’m a big fan of creatine’s effects, but less of its taste and consistency. Over the past few years, I’ve purchased unflavored creatine which I add to my protein shakes, or in most cases, something I mix in some water and chug. Creatine has a tendency to clump up and makes for a disgusting drink. So, I’ve tried all sorts of things to mask that consistency. I’ve tried a variety of fruit juices, eventually settling on orange juice as the best.
I don’t remember where I first saw this equation, but for a long time I kept in mind when I dealt with things such as work, relationships, or the state of the world. But somewhere along the line, I lost that perspective. I began imposing my own expectations onto the world, and with that came a slew of disappointments. Suddenly, nothing was good enough and everything sucked. I allowed the constant murmur of the internet to ruin just about everything for me and reinforce the idea that everything is awful.
I haven’t been sleeping well. Each night, I find myself getting maybe three or four hours of sleep, despite being exhausted from the day before. I keep thinking that one night, I’m just going to crash and wake up refreshed, but so far that hasn’t happened.
I feel like I go through this once a year, usually when my anxiety is elevated. I try meditating and melatonin, but nothing seems to help.
I’ve recently hit a bump in my workout routine. I’ve grown tired of The Pump workout, which is not surprising since I’m repeating the same workout, I completed earlier this year. Day in and day out, it’s the same thing over and over again, with a small handful of exercises I really do not enjoy doing. This has led me to cut back on the number of days I’ve been working out and to also branch out in doing different workouts, specifically with kettlebells.
Project Hail Mary
I really liked The Martian. It’s a wonderful book, and author Andy Weir does an amazing job of writing about science and making it relatable and fun. So, naturally, I was excited when Project Hail Mary was released, and I allowed some reviews about the audiobook to sway me into using an Audible credit on it. It’s wonderfully performed, but I struggle listening to fiction audiobooks and where I read The Martian over two nights, I never finished up Project Hail Mary despite owning it for years.
Folks associate SADS or seasonal affective disorder with the cold and dreary winter, but I’m convinced I struggle the most from this during the summer. As the heat increases, my desire to leave the house decreases and I begin to feel miserable. I hate being hot and that makes me want to move less. As today marks the fourth or fifth day of triple digit temperatures, I realized that this has corresponded with me disengaging from my usual activities.
A few evenings ago, I laid down in bed and allowed a memory to wash over me. This memory has been coming up often lately, and I’m not really sure why. I thought it might be best to share it and preserve it to satisfy my mind.
Last spring, our dog passed away. I didn’t expect it to bother me nearly as much as it did. To say I was crushed, would be an understatement.
Gin Blossoms/Blues Traveler
.embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Every once in a while, I’ll take a YouTube dive into old bands that I like. I’m curious how they sound now, and for the most part, they don’t sound very good. One band in particular is The Gin Blossoms, who I love, but sound pretty terrible these days.
Two years ago, I began increasing the amount of protein I consume. Besides consuming more protein bars and eating more protein dense foods, I also began to supplement with protein shakes. One of the first brands I bought was Optimum’s Extreme Chocolate Milk.
I picked up a large bag at Costco and once I got home, I mixed a scoop with ten ounces of almond milk and took a swig, curious to see how it tastes.
I tend to catastrophize big decisions. I visualize myself walking up to a crossroads and having to choose a path, not knowing where it’ll lead and with the dread that I’ll never be able to approach this same crossroads again. So, I stress myself out. I overthink, I list pros and cons, I ignore my gut feeling, and I try to rationalize the decision. In my eyes, every big decision (jobs, housing, cars) is life and death, literally at times.
In Lit’s 1999 hit, My Own Worst Enemy, one particular lyric has always stood out as being a bit more relatable than most.
It's no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy. Cause every now and then, I kick the living shit out of me. Today has been one of those days. After having a pretty good day yesterday, I woke up this morning feeling a bit beat up.
Today has not been the best day.
After riding high on the excitement of taking my first Kung Fu class over the weekend, I now find myself on this Tuesday with my head aching and my anxiety exploding through the roof. I had intended on taking another Kung Fu class tonight, but I think it’ll have to wait until tomorrow.
As I like to do, especially these days, I thought it would be good practice to examine what is the origin of this anxiety and why my day has been so “bad.
I don’t do as many things as I used to. Money has been an issue for the past couple of years, along with my own growing dissatisfaction with well… everything. I spend a lot of time looking into stuff, and at times even planning stuff, but rarely do I execute.
It’s worth mentioning how my mental health plays a role in this. My time and energy are finite, and social situations can increase my feelings of anxiety (and use up this energy), which can make things more difficult than they should be.
Happy Gilmore 2
.embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Although entirely unnecessary, I will happily sit down and watch Happy Gilmore 2.
WRC Back to Nacon
We all knew EA would ruin Codemasters, I mean, they’ve been buying up studios for thirty years, gutting them, and then wondering why the games don’t sell as well or don’t live up to the same standard when they were an independent studio.
For the past few months, I’ve been working out regularly. I’ve really been pushing myself in the gym and supplementing my workout with yoga most days. Being a bigger guy has its challenges. Some yoga moves are difficult, and body weight exercise can be really challenging. Adding any additional weight to my overweight body can easily overload a muscle which can result in injury, and it’s difficult being in my forties and realizing those limitations when I feel like I should be able to lift, twist, and bend with no issue.
About fifteen years ago, I noticed a slight swelling of my upper lip. It was an odd sensation that I couldn’t stop running my tongue over because I didn’t hit my lip. I didn’t understand what was going on.
By the end of the day, I had a noticeable bump on my lip, and my first reaction was this was some sort of pimple. I mean, it kind of hurt like a pimple, so that’s what it had to be, right?
I’ll admit, these last couple of years have not gone quite how I expected them to. Between bouncing between jobs, the price of living increasing, and mental health issues things just haven’t gone swimmingly. It’s easy to look at my bank account and then look at things I want to do and feel depressed, but it’s not all bad. I thought I’d look at few things I’m excited about that’s coming up.
Many years ago, I did a weekly blog post called Five Good Things. Each week, I’d post five things I ran across that I liked. Sometimes it would be a movie trailer, or a random internet article. Other times it would be a music video or a few thoughts on a video game. I thought I’d bring this back, but without the limitations of selecting “five” things.
The Librarians: The Next Chapter
A few days ago, I ran across this clip on reddit with the title: Grand Sumo wrestler Ura performs takedown of much larger Takayasu using incredibly rare technique, only the 6th time in 25 years (0.02% winning technique)
.embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Despite following combat sports off and on most of my life, I’d never seen a sumo match before.